Kristina is accountability goals
…in all things.
Reading. Working out. Reading some more. Cooking things without meat. Complaining about contemporary fiction being boring AF because it’s lacking in vampires and or spinsters stabbing things with hatpins. All of it. But recently, Kristina has distinguished herself in the category of Most Annoying and Adorably Persistent Accountability Partner by diligently being on my ass to spend more time sitting on my ass.
Actually, Kristina would never say such a thing. If I suggested that I read something whilst sitting, she would tell me all about how she listened to it while lifting weights on a treadmill, while riding a horse, or possibly whilst riding a horse on a treadmill. But I think if I were to suggest that I’d read said book if I can sit on my ass, she would begrudgingly agree if the book was Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros and I promised to punish myself on a future workout.
Maybe.
But since I didn’t ask Kristina permission and possibly led her to believe that I listened to the book while simultaneously doing laundry and balancing on one foot and surfing, I’ll never know.
I may have mentioned before that Kristina and I have a 98% match rate on books we like. We are like each others’ Rotten Tomatoes of YA/supernatural adventure/bodice ripping/smutty fantasy involving dragons (but not WITH dragons) fiction.
Again, I repeat. We do not read books about getting with dragons. Except maybe that one time with The Hidden Library, but in our defense, Kai is only a part-time dragon.
But I digress. I was going to explain how Kristina nagged me into reading the best book I’ll probably read in 2023. (And let’s be clear, I have read some exceptional fiction this year.)
Normally, Kristina being on my ass would sound like this. "KRISTEN. Have you started it yet?" Or, "Kristen, did you do the stack?" Or, at worst, "KRISTEEEEEN, do the things. You know you want to be broken and/or drooling over dragon riders and/or dandified vampires like me. You know you waaaaaaannnnnnnna."
Which is to say, low-key pressure with a hint of accountability. This is why we work. She knows exactly how to get into my head without activating the stubborn part of my brain that doesn't react well to being bossed around.
But it was a close thing.
First, she slid into my DMs with an "OMG THIS BOOK!!!"
Then there were one or two Marco Polos on our private thread rhapsodizing about how it made 23 hours of laundry go by like nothing.
Then it was talking on our group thread where, at most, we try to only mention books that Sarah and Cynthia don't have time to read one, two, maybe three times max. I think she got to like 20.
Then it was back to the other thread. But then, just as she was hanging on the knife’s edge of me discovering technology to block her Fourth Wing messages on every platform (including carrier pigeon and semaphore), she tapped into the one thing that will always make me do the thing. Competition. Yes, years of us competing with each other (yes, even about reading) and being 98% in agreement on books have rewarded us both with a very active and satisfying reading life. I trust her recommendations implicitly. If she ditches a book midway, I take it off my to-read list.
She does the same. We're the borg of reading. When she assimilates a book, I do too. And vice versa.
I started listening to all 20+ hours of Fourth Wing while unpacking my India loot. (Use of that word being 100% inspired by my recent voracious consumption of another Kristina recommendation: The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi. Forty-something woman pirates with a potty mouth? Fuck yes.) But I digress. I started Fourth Wing on Audible while marveling at how much shit I had managed to buy in eight hours of Delhi shopping.
I had 11 hours left and was in agony attempting to find uninterrupted blocks of time to listen when I did something I never do. I switched formats.
In case you want to hate yourself by loving a book so hard you almost quit your job to read it full time, here is my synopsis:
The book started well. I love it when someone dies in the first 20 pages.
It continued to hold steady with the introduction of a hate-to-love rivalry, which is my favorite of all romance tropes.
Dragons. Enough said.
Then things happen which are also good. And bad. And really good because they were SO SO BAD.
I yelled at the book and spent two Marco Polos cursing one fictional character like they had thrown my dogs into the mouth of hungry sharks or said something discouraging about reverse sleeping in.
Then, on the last page, I marveled at the brilliance of actually being surprised and slow-clapped.
Is there anything anywhere near as delicious as the torment of knowing you’re almost done with something that you could not sleep for wont of finishing? And is there another thing in this universe that can make you feel so sad, which doesn’t involve the death of a loved one and/or your dogs getting thrown into the mouths of hungry sharks by some heartless non-dog-loving evil person????
I can’t wait to read this book again. Slowly. With feeling.
Kristina, I hate you and love you in equal measure, woman. I look forward to re-reading this with you in October. We should get together and race to read it the moment that book two comes out in November.
