Tiara of darkness
Yesterday was one of those (extremely) rare days when I hated everyone. From the moment that I got up to the moment I decided to checking out the back of my eyelids, I was filled with all of the hate. I hated cheerful people at work. I hated perfect strangers. I hated the kids I ran into while picking my son up from school. I even briefly hated that awesome gif of a rotating seal that my awesome coworker sent me to help hate everyone less.
Let me put it in perspective people. I missed cake. On purpose. The mini bundt cake kind. Because I didn't want to have to hate the people gathered around said bundt cakes. That's some serious business there.
And to put my perspective in perspective, it used to be my life's dream to open a shop called Cake and Alcohol. People have told Sarah and I that our business plan was ridiculous, but judging by my own experience being a mom, I'm fairly sure that it would have been a hit with my demographic. It'd be like a clubhouse, but better! Because we'd have a solid and very inclusive yoga-pants-are-all-the-time-pants policy and because we'd sell and eat metric buttloads of cake and alcohol.
Substitute the word whisky for cake and then helpful visual is helpful, non?
If I had a cake and alcohol clubhouse, I'd probably feel less like hating everyone.
Note to self: Create clubhouse ASAP.
Because I hated everyone yesterday and then hated myself for missing out on delicious mini bundt cakes, I decided I would start a dark book. None of the six books I'm currently reading fit the bill, so I started a new YA novel called Three Dark Crowns.
So far it is very dark but its not a dystopian. Somehow that makes it all DARKER. Everyone in the book so far seems to be super down with the premise that three sisters are born queens and upon their sixteenth birthday, one will kill the other two, and that this will keep the kingdom going. It features an opening chapter where a teenaged queen is repeatedly poisoned *while* talking hopefully about killing her sisters. I found this paired nicely with an equally dark red wine, absolute silence, and a steaming hot bath.
(Because we'll have none of that jammy-fruit forward shit when deep in the hate and reading dark YA.)
A hundred pages in and I've been introduced to each of the triplet queens, some of which I would prefer not to be killed by people they shared a womb with. While that's usually a promising sign, I'm also put off by how many characters the author has introduced in 78 pages. (Hint: the answer is too many.)
Before bed I decided that I needed a tiara of darkness to wear on days like these. One that makes me invisible on days that I want to hate everyone. But if I can't have an invisible tiara of darkness to wear, I'm willing to bet that wearing a bloody tiara in public while wearing yoga pants and eating cake and drinking alcohol would probably achieve the same goal. Because honestly, are you trying to talk to me when I'm working this hot combination? Probably not.
There. I invented an invisible tiara. I'm going on break!
