How I got old

I had a great idea for a blog post about 20 minutes ago, but it's gone now.

I recall thinking, "Hey! This idea is whimsical, witty, and astute. How novel!" But that was before I managed to get setup and begin writing down said idea. Back before I did battle with all of my laptop peripherals and long before I spent 15 minutes testing batteries to find a pair that would work. 

Seriously, who keeps putting dead batteries in the drawer? For real. Don't you know that spent cells aren't supposed to mix with gen pop?! That's why we have a bag clearly labeled "Used Batteries." 

It's labeled and everything!

So yeah, I spent 15 minutes testing batteries and I found two that worked. The idea was still there, fluttering around the edges. {Sets up laptop stand, grabs bluetooth mouse with new batteries, and gets settled.}

Clicks on mouse. {Swears loudly} This mouse is connected to my son's Mac which is conveniently located 5 feet away. Gah! {Disconnects bluetooth} Tries to connect to mouse #2 (which is clearly labeled, since we have an infestation of bluetooth mice around here). Lappy doesn't see it. 

I label the things so I can find them. But my lappy apparently hates finding things.

{Makes growling noises. Wastes 10 minutes doing a scan that never finds the mouse that's actually making physical contact with my laptop. Gives up. Shares some choice words with worthless freeloader, mouse #2. Stalks over to other mouse, helpfully labeled #3.}

Starts mashing keys on bluetooth keyboard. No connection. Idea is a distant memory. Or rather, I can almost see it, but it's fuzzy. Like I'm wearing beer goggles.

NOTHING?!

This is the part where I’m sure five years was shaved off my life.  

NOTHING?! You lazy, good-for-nothing-piece-of-plastic-and-silica I WILL RUIN YOU. 

I saw Infinity War last night. Spoiler alert! It's not about bunch of Japanese sedans fighting each other, but an Avengers movie. This is relevant because I just did my impression of half-hearted Hulk and dropped my worthless keyboard two feet to the ground where it made a crunching sound. I don't feel better at all. As a matter of fact, I feel worse because that crunching sound wasn't caused by the destruction of useless technology, but because I crushed a tortilla chip that was by my foot. Now I have a non-working keyboard and crumbs. 

Ten more years are lost. I’m sure I have liver spots from stress. I don’t even know if it’s a thing but now I’m a veritable leopard.  

I hate crumbs

I'm typing on my laptop keyboard, like I should have done from the start. I have a drawer full of well-organized batteries and a healthy respect for my battery tester. The keyboard is on the floor and Phil's judging me because I am mad at inanimate objects. Again. All hope for having a witty and astute idea is now a distant memory. It may never happen again. 

Thanks, Obama!