Charged up

Yesterday we had a unique parent teacher conference experience. Aidan led the conference. Reading from a sheet covered in surprisingly legible handwriting, my child meticulously and kind of ruthlessly assessed his 5th grade performance to date. Then he went on to highlight areas of opportunity for 2020. Seriously. He’s 10 and I think he put my own self-assessment skills to shame. I’m considering asking him to do a workshop for me.

But that’s not what I want to talk about. No, what I want to pass along is a little post-conference snippet that’s all Aidan. 

Aidan: Mom, I’m super thirsty. Do you have sparkling water in the car?

Me: Yeah. {Throws purse somewhere in the back seat, then promptly regrets choice to throw purse upon discovery that sunglasses are still in said purse instead of on my face. Contemplates the vast chasm that is my 4runner’s back seat}

Aidan: Is that your crystal water bottle?

Me: Yep. {Helplessly contorted, trying in vain reach my purse with my tiny t-rex arms… and failing miserably}

Aidan: Is it charged?

Me: {Leaves body in totally unnatural position while attempting to convey the depth of my WTF with eyeballs alone.} Um, no.

Aidan: {Somehow managing to give me a look that says “I’m being sarcastic” while also wrestling his ridiculously massive Jansport backpack into the passenger seat} You know, you should really leave it out in the moonlight. 

Me (in my head): What have I done?

/scene

A word of advice… if you’re ever gifted with a 16 once shatter resistant glass Elixir2Go Crystal Elixir Water Bottle which according to Amazon is sold “for Making Gemwater,” be careful about how much you talk about said water bottle and it’s very specific new age needs. Best case scenario, your child will surprise you with moments that make you wonder whether you’ve created a monster or future sitcom writer. Worst case, your child honestly worries about whether your water bottle realizing its full potential.