Writing a bio is painful
Irony seems to be my guiding light these days, so it should come as no surprise that I find myself in a position to co-present at a conference that I loudly insisted, in mixed company, including conference organizers, was not a thing.
And did I mention that I did it over wine and expensive steaks that they were paying for? Totes embarrassing.
I might have said that their claims (that Adobe hosts the world’s preeminent DITA conference) were unfounded and that I wasn’t impressed. I’m ashamed to say that I was not very nice about it either.
{I suck, but I might have been right. Maybe.}
Fast forward a year.
As part of my penance for being a jerk, I’m publicly stating on this blog that I’m going to give this conference (and it’s admittedly great line up of presenters) a chance. Perhaps they’ve upped their game over at Adobe DITA World and it’ll be a thing. Perhaps I’ll enjoy myself, despite:
My brain’s continued reluctance to accept that it’s the preeminent anything (apparently I’m a Adobe DITA World denier AND a narwhal denier)
Being absolutely buried alive in work
It being three weeks away
Still having no idea what’s required of me…
Right now I plan to do the virtual equivalent of taking the stage without slides, say the words “bot,” “metadata,” “framework” and “DITA” a bunch of times, swear inappropriately (and then curse myself for swearing inappropriately), and then possibly mic drop. I’d like to do this while channeling my inner Vanna White (from the days when she actually turned the tiles), but technical writers are a no nonsense breed and I don’t think they’d know what to do with all the sparkles or Pat Sajak creepin’ in the background.
Pat is a disturbing dude. {shudder}
It’ll be fine, I’m sure.
I’d say that I was feeling pretty good about my choice, and maybe a little smug that I was courted by our worldwide tech comm evangelist… until this morning when I had to sit down and write my bio.
WHY IS WRITING TWO PARAGRAPHS SO HARD?!
I don’t generally spend time shopping myself on the conference circuit, so I don’t have an all purpose snippet lying around. I’d like to think that this is because I’m choosy. I keep my expertise behind closed doors, like those nuns who make those amazing cookies in Spain. Once they go into the convent, they never come out… but they’ll pass you some dessert-y goodness if you pass some cash through the right slot.
That’s me. I’ve been making all sorts of XML goodness while cloistered within the shelter of my paycheck-paying megacorp masters. I’ve also been eating a lot of baked goods. #samediff
So, I don’t have a bio at the ready. And I couldn’t find a copy of the last one I’d written, which is probably fine because it’s stale and doesn’t have all the hip content buzz words like “natural language processing” and “content technologist.”
I reached out to my buddies for help and they came through. Thanks, guys! After a shaky start, my favorite wonder twin and editor extraordinaire, Jeff, did a solid flash edit.
I see that my GE colleagues have not given up on their quest to make Facebook’s algorithms think that I’m obsessed with that crackpot, Gwyneth Paltrow. <sigh>
Then, David came through with just the right kind of insults to keep my ego in check. Thanks for telling me that I’m a dirty hipster and writing a really inappropriate revision that somehow made me seem next-level trashy (accurate) while simultaneously making me sound way more interesting than I actually am. Now I have something to shoot for if this whole information architect thing goes south.
As for my bio, I finished something less colorful than the masterpieces eve pictured above, and I sent it off. I have yet to recant it, so I believe this obstacle is firmly behind me.
Delivering said bio was the hardest part of this whole agreement because trying to make yourself sound knowledgable (but not too knowledgeable) is gross. And then, adding much needed whimsy?
UGH
But, there’s no question, through this exercise I’ve learned a few things. My colleagues totally know me. Nobody called bullshit on the achievements I listed, so maybe I’m not a total fraud. And, most importantly, I need to get my ass back in that majestic unicorn floatie because it’s awesome.
